Well I feel shitter than the shittest of shit things. It's totally not cancer related. In some ways I wish it was because I can probably deal with it better than I can deal with animal cruelty.
There are some horses a mile or so from us that seem to look more neglected by the day. Animals are my *thing*. I love them. Since moving to Wales the one thing I have been unable to cope with is the amount of neglected horses.
I've been a moody cow since last week. That IS cancer related. Well, the 'worry of cancer' related at least. It's knocked me sideways being asked to go back for a colonoscopy so quickly. I'm not in the best frame of mind. Needless to say, I've made my husband's life a misery by being snappy and I've been weepy. I haven't cried about cancer, but I've cried about everything else. As I've said before, I'm a cryer....it's one of my main hobbies.
The horse situation came to a head about 2 weeks ago. They are in a field but they are often neglected. Over the winter, the odd bale of silage has appeared complete with tight plastic covering which the horses have had to bite off to get at the food. They have got thinner and thinner. The plastic is strewn all over the field from every bale of silage they have had over the past 6 years, there is no grass. I bought a bag of pony nuts to feed the horses but I'm always a bit wary of bumping into the owner and being told off. I've heard he is not to be messed with so I'd rather not bloody mess with him quite frankly. I was also told by a horse charity that the RSPCA will not consider it urgent if the horses are being fed, even if they are being fed by concerned individuals and not the owner.
I took carrots last week (the ones I've stopped juicing!). One of the horses took to lying down a lot and I feared it wasn't well. I thought it may have eaten some of the plastic. Today, I have taken them pony nuts and when one of the other horses pushed the 'sick' pony away, it fell over and couldn't get back up it was so weak. It made an awful noise as it hit the floor. I can't get the sound out of my mind. It was so upsetting and I just couldn't stop crying. I decided I couldn't watch and hope someone else would get involved any longer and I rang a horse welfare organisation. They were closed so I left a message for them to call me back tomorrow. On driving back past the horses, we pulled over to see if the sick pony was OK and a woman approached the car with 'RSPCA' on her jacket. The cavalry! Yes, I thought, someone has got more balls than me and has reported it. She asked if they were our horses. I couldn't have been more offended if she had rubbed horse shite in my face. I started to tell her of the horses plight but her phone rang, a vet apparently, and she had to dash off.
The sick pony has now been taken from the field. I'm relieved. The other three remain. I'm gutted. I've since been told that the owner was on TV having been prosecuted for leaving horses in a barn to starve to death. So this is it boys, this is war. That's the last time I wait and see if someone else has stood up for the horses. I support a local horse charity and I contacted them last week. Initially they didn't seem too concerned but I've told them of today's events and they have said that now that the horses are on the radar, none of this will happen again as they will monitor it. Believe it or not, you can buy a horse these day for £5. People buy them and then cannot afford to feed them and so they end up in the most miserable situation. They deserve so much better than my tears.
I've asked so many people about the horses that I fully expect the angry owner knocking on my door at some point. He's way down on the list of things bothering me right now.
I think I've got anxiety. It's a self diagnosis, well, not quite, it was with the help of Jeremy Vine and his radio 2 show yesterday! I've previously thought I was just a bit mad but after hearing people describe their anxiety symptoms, I realised that I have most, if not all of them. This became more apparent today when my husband was trying to park between two cars on the supermarket car park and I almost had a nervous breakdown. I cried again. It was probably the worst anxiety I have felt and it was over something and nothing. People on the radio were saying they had taken cannabis to help with the symptoms but the doctor on the show said it was a bad idea as it makes you anxious. I've never smoked and I would worry about cannabis side effects. I knew someone who grew some in the garden once and her rabbit ate it. She couldn't take the rabbit to the vets for fear of the police finding out (I'm going back about 30 years when it wasn't as tolerated as now) so the rabbit spent 2 days rolling around the garden like Dylan from the Magic Roundabout.
Years ago we lived quite close to some Hells Angels. I know, I paint a very idyllic picture! They invited us round to a bonfire party they threw for the local community every year. I looked after elderly people at the time and they told us to take some of them along, which we did. Upon arrival, we were told not to let the older people have the stew. It had cannabis in it. They could have the jacket potatoes and any of the other food available. Unfortunately, the old dears didn't listen to me saying not to have the stew and ladled it into dishes. I don't know how we got them home. Fortunately, it seemed to do them some good as they all said they hadn't had such a good night's sleep in years.
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