I made the mistake of watching The C word again last night. I say mistake, but that's not taking anything away from the wonderful writing of Lisa Lynch or her fight to beat cancer. I've no doubt she's an absolute inspiration to a lot of people who either have had their own cancer battle or are going through it all now. It also takes nothing away from the always brilliant Sheridan Smith who was fabulous in the part as she is in every part she ever does. It just becomes a very personal drama when you watch it after your own cancer diagnosis. It frightened me and and inspired me in equal measures. My brother never watches anything concerning cancer since his own diagnosis. I remember texting him during Comic Relief once to see if he was watching one of the short films about a family struggling after the mother/wife had died. My brother told me he never watched anything like that any more because he'd got plenty of crap to occupy his mind without giving him further ideas or images to fill his head.
My husband, forever with his head in the sand, went to bed halfway through the C word. Seeing Lisa's husband and family come to terms with her diagnosis made me wonder just what my husband is thinking but one thing I know for sure is that he will not be thinking I will die one day and he will certainly not be thinking 'I should chat to her about this'!!!
Lisa made me laugh. She'd like that I think. She also made me cry. I wonder why the consultant said her brain tumour had shrunk and to have a break from treatment for a few months? One of those wait and see situations that I find myself in at the moment so it touched a raw nerve. I DO worry what will be the situation when I go back in what is now 2 and a half months. Oh yes, I'm counting the days. I've put it all to the back of my mind for most of the time but periodically I feel the panic wash over me and I'm back in the real world again worrying about everything.
I've met a couple of people online who also have cancer. They are from different forums but both a huge support. There is something about speaking to people who are in the same boat. They are the only ones who fully understand the trials and tribulations of it all. No matter what you say or how bad or mental any thoughts are they just accept it without telling you your going mad or to pull yourself together. In fact, they usually say, I've felt like that or I've done that. They make me feel normal.
As for Lisa, it's one of those situations like watching The Great Escape where no matter how often you watch, you hope Steve McQueen gets over the fence on that bloody motorbike. It's the same with Lisa, you hope the outcome is different for her even though you know it isn't. I'm glad the film doesn't show her in the hospice lying there waiting to die. The very best thing about The C Word is Lisa's zest for life. Yes her life was far too short and her family are struggling still (and always will) but what a mark she made on us in that short life and just how many people has she helped? Next time I open a bottle of wine Lisa Lynch I will raise a glass to you.
